There are lots of things going on these days to drag us down: inflation, Ukraine war, North Korea, climate issues, increasing crime, more people disconnected from work, political strife, old emotional injuries and so on. Much of this is out of our control and dwelling on it will not improve our moods. If you are down from the state of the world, or feel that nobody cares, there are things that you can do for yourself instead of dwelling on how you feel.
How you appear to others is important. An upbeat, happy attitude is a key to success in life. Let’s see, hold up your hands if you would want to work with or have on your team, upbeat, cheerful, happy people. I thought so and you do too.
- Add exercise to your day. Just a walk with a friend or your pet can help you feel better. Go out for a run, go to the gym, or exercise class and feel the benefits. Nobody feels unhappy after exercise. Your body releases hormones that can elevate your mood. Seek out a friend to join you. It’s more fun and you can encourage each other.
- Positive thinking. Don’t dwell on all the things that you feel are wrong in your life. Your perception of what’s going on is powerful. It’s not necessarily the things that happen that are that important, but how you react to it is key to how you feel. You can decide to just think positively. Abraham Lincoln said, “most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be”. If you think that things are miserable, then they probably are, at least as how you see life. Did you ever stop to sit down and write all the things you are grateful for? Chances are the list of things to be grateful for is much longer than your “trouble list”. Gratitude can be you attitude.
If you are not happy with what you have or where you live, why would more material things or relocating make you happier? Material wealth may seem attractive ,and it’s not inherently bad, but it does come with its own set of problems. Wanting more breeds wanting more. If you look around and explore where you live, you will find hidden treasures and friends that you did not yet know.
We’ve all heard of Norman Vincent Peale who’s 1952 publication, The Power of Positive Thinking. It is still referred to today. Maxwell Maltz also advocates thinking this way with positive imagery. His book, Psychocybernetics, says to visualize yourself winning the race or getting that new job. John’s Hopkins Medical Center studies show that even with people who have a history of heart disease, positive thinking can help them reduce cardiovascular attacks by one-third! What is clear, however, is that there is definitely a strong link between “positivity” and health. Additional studies have found that a positive attitude improves outcomes and life satisfaction across a spectrum of conditions—including traumatic brain injury, stroke and brain tumors.
- Trash negative thoughts – literally. Have you ever written down your negative thoughts on paper and then torn them up or burned them? Physically doing so can help get rid of them according to psychological studies.
- Do what brings you meaning – In fact, having a purposeful intention can help you if you are wondering how to be happy in life by drawing your focus on the things that are most important to you, such as your loved ones, your faith, your career, and many other aspects of your life as well.It allows you to cut ties with people or activities that aren’t aligned with your values. When things get tough, staying motivated is important so you can set and accomplish short and long-term goals.
- Treasure your memories more than your possessions – material goods can come and go but our memories are forever.
- Be grateful – write down three things you are grateful for when you awaken. Look at them a couple of times during the day. Thank a family member or friend for something they did for you. Consider helping someone else out or volunteer a few hours. Do something for someone with no expectation of a reward or return of the favor. Maybe do something nice for someone you don’t even know.
- Practice mindfulness – stay focused on the current moment, that’s why it’s called the present. You’ll never have this moment again. Treasure it and give it your attention. Other thoughts will come into your mind, but just let them pass without acting on them. Focus on what you are doing without thinking about other things even if what you are doing is mundane such as rinsing dishes or folding laundry. It can help you forget about the past and not fret over the future. Mindfulness can lower stress and improve mood when practiced routinely. You can start by just devoting five or ten minutes a day. Begin by focusing on your breath. (you can find apps on this topic and videos on YouTube)
- Get your rest – it varies per person but try for eight hours. The hippocampus, a part of our brain that produces happy thoughts, reduces that function when we are tired and weary. In a bad mood today, how much quality sleep did you get last night?
- Dedicate a little time to help others – when we give of ourselves or give money to others in need, we can improve our own happiness.
- Focus on your strengths – Work on your strengths and try to improve them. Spending time on your flaws generally does not have great payback. Make the most of your talents.
- Let go of grudges – It takes a lot out of you to carry that emotional bag of rocks around. Why not put it down… let it go. We all get hurt sometimes by how others treat us and cruel things said to us. It happens, ok? We all agree it’s not fair and we likely did not deserve it. However, going around hurt for years takes its toll on you and those you love. You need to say to yourself that you forgive them. Their deed was a reflection of their problems that they foisted on you. Sit down by yourself and look in a mirror or create a mental image of the person and say out loud that you forgive them. You might need to say it several times. This is much better than having that ache in your heart.
- Don’t compare yourself to others – why do this? Do you think it will make you feel better? Some people are taller, slimmer, stronger, smarter and so on. As your parents probably said, “life’s not fair”. Do your best with what you’ve got. We don’t know what others are going through even if their lives look perfect. The only person you should compare yourself to is the previous version of yourself. Live the life you have been given. Can you improve it, yes. Live your life at your pace and dance and sing to the song in your head.
- Spend time with good company – Some time spent alone to meditate and listen to yourself is good. This is different than being a loner. Hang out with friends that you enjoy and who are uplifting with their laughter and view of life. Bond with your loved ones who genuinely care for you. Enjoy a laugh too. Avoid the nay sayers, and those who drag you down.
- Get rid of negative emotions with affirmations and music – practice positive self-affirmation. Think, “I’ve got this, “I can do it, I’m going to have an amazing day”. Have a mental image of your perfect day. When you think of a good affirmation, write it down, you will need it some days. Try to have a list of five ready for use. When you are about to fall asleep think of how tomorrow is going to be a great day. You don’t have to provide the details, just let your subconscious mind work on that while you sleep. Listen to your favorite songs or upbeat music.
- Create better habits – Happiness is a choice, not a gift. It is a state of mind that you choose. Changing habits is not always easy, after all you probably have been doing some bad ones for years. Try a technique of replacing a habit you want to get rid of with a better one in its place. A habit is structure of events/actions consisting of a cue (trigger), the routine, and the reward. To change a habit like smoking, replace the reward of a smoke with something else like a walk or a small chore you need to do.
And one more: Smile more.
Stop fearing unhappiness. Pain, sadness, anger, fear, guilt, frustration – they aren’t to be feared. No negative emotion is. They are to be processed, accepted understood, and moved through to a better emotion. You don’t need to fight your emotions.
Here are some steps to work though this:
- Don’t hide from the way you feel. That will hold you back.
- Begin to understand how you feel. Was there a cause, an aggravating factor, an emotional vampire or some action? Sound it out with a trusted friend or counselor.
- Accept it. This is a huge part of achieving and attaining happiness. What was done is in the past. You don’t want to live there. Forgive and move on.
- Ditch it. A negative feeling is not permanent, and you can move through it. There is no such thing as a bad emotion, just bad results if you hang on to it. Pain is part of happiness it just lies on the other end of the scale. Move towards the other end to bring joy to your life. It’s never too late to live a better and more fulfilled life.
(from an article in www.lifehack.org September 2022)