New Year – New You… not so fast
We all, well most of us, like to make a few resolutions at the start of the year. After all, you will pass GO, get your $200 right and take another lap around the board of life? (For those of you old enough, that happens in the game of Monopoly)
It’s a chance to start again with good intentions. We all botched thing us in the past or did not take the required actions to get delivery on our promises to ourselves, so here we go to try again.
We are sure this time to loose those extra pounds, get organized, exercise, take music lessons finally and … You start by getting ready, buy the running shoes, get an app to help practice, watch some videos on tips to get started, put the training sessions in your calendar and maybe head out for some laps around the neighborhood. Is this what I expected? This is a lot of work, and it’s going to rain, and it’s going to be windy and cold and… Maybe wait til better weather.
Maybe your goal is a second career… can’t start right now but soon. I’ll work on beginning it as a project. Oh brother, why are things so hard. We come to feel that life altering changes are an obstacle to be overcome. The “new your” is more about your foregoing security and control over one’s life. Can’t we be in the driver’s seat? Each year we do this for intended changes only to find that the hoped for change slips by, maybe next year.
So we need some stick to-it-ness. Do the “thing” even if you only accomplish it for a short time. Even if you don’t feel like doing it or even enjoy it. You have to surrender control to make it happen. I think it must come from an internal driver to push you forward. There might even be little confidence that you really know what to do at first.
Making changes/adopting a new habit or sport or skill is more like kayaking down a new river with twists and turns and unknown rapids. Sometimes the water is calm sometimes raging. We had to adapt from moment to moment. Sometimes it does not go according to plan. We have to accept that and gauge our reaction to that. What do we do next?
Maybe accept who we are and start from there. It’s hard to achieve freedom. Many of us procrastinate, follow distractions, are too easily frustrated and long for the food we shouldn’t have.
Think “radical do-ability”. Work on your goals daily or almost daily. Ask yourself how am I doing? Understand that frustrations and missed targets will arise, but don’t let it derail you. Set easy goals and give yourself credit for reaching them. When you are on a roll, you can take bigger steps. Don’t try to do too much at one time. Ask, do I really enjoy this task? How is it going to help me? Am I just doing it because I think I should?
The to-dos that pop up will have to be dealt with and can seem infinite. Remember, the future is not always certain. It’s hard to feel in control and secure sometimes in this world. Just deal with it. As the psychotherapy pioneer Marie-Louise von Franz explained it, “There is the strange attitude and feeling that one is not yet in real life.” That goal you desire may seem to be a mirage then, but don’t postpone moving forward. Take the plunge. It will be exhilarating to accomplish those steps and feel the progress even it’s not perfect. Just take this steps even if they are small, one call to a friend, one workout, one more page to write. Now is the time… not later.
Think of what you are doing as dress rehearsal for more important things to come.
Note from blogger: sometimes it feels like making a big change is similar to standing in a bucket and trying to raise yourself up. All it takes is to pull harder right? The small steps reminds me of a book, Atomic Habits by James Clear. He discuss accomplishing things by breaking them down into small pieces. Just a 1% daily improvement results in a 37 TIMES improvement over a year.
An article from the WSJ, December 27, 2024 by Oliver Burkeman