From Women’s Health. September 2022
STRATEGY 1
PLAN FOR YOUR OBSTACLES
If you’ve tried manifesting your way toward a goal only to come up empty, it may be time to add some problem-solving into the mix. While a sunny outlook may give you all the feels, it tends to make goal-setters overly comfortable and complacent, as if they’ve already nabbed that corner office or saved up enough money to travel for months, says Gabriele Oettingen, PhD, a professor of psychology at New York University and author of Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation. (Positive thinking, she says, sets off a body-wide relaxation response, which, while great for heart health, may not be the best strategy for achievement.)
To bring your vision to life, supplement goal-setting with some very honest introspection via a process Dr. Oettingen calls WOOP, which stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. First, identify your wish and your desired outcome. (This is the point at which an always-rosy POV usually stops.) Next, pinpoint the obstacles in your way. FYI: The hurdle often appears to be an external factor such as time or money, but once you peel back the layers, “it’s usually an uncomfortable emotion, like resentment or anxiety,” Dr. Oettingen says. For instance, if your objective is to upgrade time-management skills, you may initially ID your obstacle as having too many things on your proverbial plate, when the real barrier is the pressure you put on yourself to get everything done. (Dr. Oettingen’s website, woopmylife.org, has a handy practice tool that walks you through this mini self-therapy.)
Now it’s time to hatch a plan for those hurdles. Dr. Oettingen recommends crafting an if-then statement to use when the roadblock inevitably presents itself: “If I find myself working at 11 p.m. because I didn’t get everything finished during the day, I’ll remind myself that life will go on if I don’t check every single box on my to-do list.” By forming an unconscious link in your mind between your goal and the hurdles you must vault over to reach it, you’ll feel more energized to do what it takes to improve performance in school or at work, strengthen relationships, increase physical activity, and more.
STRATEGY 2
BE FOCUSED AND FAST
Many fitness trackers use 10,000 steps as their default activity goal, which has propelled millions of people to move more. But tweaking those prescribed goals, even just a little bit, can make a major difference in follow-through, per new research published in JAMA Cardiology. In the study, subjects first wore step counters for two weeks to determine their average number of daily steps. Some were then instructed to aim for 2,000 steps beyond that baseline, while others were allowed to pick a goal of anywhere between 1,000 and 3,000 steps above it. (A control group wasn’t given any walking goals at all.) Interestingly, those who were allowed to personalize their goal ended up walking the most—about 1,400 more steps per day than the control group and more than twice as many as the prescribed-goal crew.
Setting your own goals (not those you think you should go for because someone else said so) works because it gives a sense of ownership and control, so “you feel like you have some skin in the game,” says lead researcher Mitesh S. Patel, MD, MBA, vice president for Clinical Transformation at Ascension. Researchers call this “intrinsic motivation,” which means you engage in a certain behavior because it feels personally rewarding and enjoyable, not because there’s a reward or punishment involved.
Experts also found that people who immediately began working toward their personalized step goal were more successful than those who eased in and increased steps over time. It turns out that “when goals ramp up gradually, it’s demotivating; people feel as if their goals are running away from them,” Dr. Patel says. To be clear, this doesn’t mean that a newbie marathoner should attempt 26.2 miles on her first day of training (the research didn’t look at long-term goals), but when it comes to daily, bite-size goals like standing more at the office or drinking more water, jumping right into the deep end may be your smartest bet. Noted!
STRATEGY 3
ASK YOURSELF: WHAT WOULD FUTURE YOU DO?
Whenever you set your sights on breaking a bad habit, two “yous” start to duke it out: Current You and Future You. “Current You wants to do what is easy and rewarding: that glass of wine, sitting on the couch versus going to the gym,” says Melissa Urban, Whole30 cofounder and author of The Book of Boundaries: End Resentment, Burnout, and Anxiety—and Reclaim Your Time, Energy, Health, and Relationships. “It’s the emotional part of the brain that makes a decision based on instant gratification.”
The key to moving toward your goal is considering what Future You—the you who drinks less wine or lifts more weights—needs, using that as motivation to stick to the habits that inch you forward, says Urban. Future You would probably be bummed that Current You skipped that workout and the mood-boosting, strength-enhancing, stress-relieving perks that come with it. Envisioning the impact of choices makes it easier to stand firm.
Urban adopted this tactic herself in 2020 when she realized her habit of doom-surfing before bedtime was making her anxious, upset, and unsettled, wrecking her sleep. Sure, it would have been easy to give herself permission to peek at Insta just one time after setting her intention. But when she thought of the strain that doing so would place on Future Melissa’s mental health, relationships, and career, choosing a book over her phone seemed like the obvious choice. “Think of your goal as a series of small choices that move you closer to something you want—or away from it,” she says, “and prioritize Future You.”
This Is Your Brain on Goals
As a neuroscientist specializing in motivation and behavioral change, Elliot Berkman, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Oregon, knows a thing or two about what’s happening in your noggin as you work toward that promotion, plane trip, or pickleball tournament.
AS YOU CRAFT YOUR PLAN…
The front of the brain houses the prefrontal cortex (PFC), which governs executive functioning—the mental skills required to successfully plan, focus, and juggle multiple tasks as we attempt to get stuff done. When it comes to routine activities like getting ready for work or dining at a restaurant, Berkman says executive functioning lets us sail through dozens of steps without even blinking. But with lofty new goals, the PFC needs to buckle down in order to learn what actions are necessary to, say, apply to graduate school or compete in a mini-triathlon.
NICE! YOU’RE RACKING UP SMALL WINS…
For that mini-tri, your plan might entail gathering advice from friends who have competed previously; downloading a training app; planning out a three-month training program; buying the proper equipment; and completing various workouts. As you begin baby-stepping toward your goal, your brain will start releasing dopamine, a feel-good neurochemical that links actions with outcomes. (Sex, delicious food, and the equally delicious ding! of a new text message are common everyday dopamine triggers that keep us coming back for more.) Used your new bike for the first time? Dopamine hit. Crushed your Monday swim? Dopamine hit.
NOW COMES THE HARDEST PART: MAKING IT STICK
That Big D(opamine) Energy is a habit reinforcer, telling your brain, “This is moving me toward my goal and it feels good. Keep it up.” Now it’s easier to structure your world in a way that helps you hit your goal, Berkman says, like blocking off an hour every morning to train or stashing a pair of gym shoes in your car so you can squeeze in a bonus run when the opportunity arises. Pretty soon, the dopamine has cemented your new triathlon-friendly habits, propelling you toward the finish line. “Congrats,” says your mind. “You did it!”
The Art of Finding Your Path
Sometimes you don’t even know where or how to go about finding or setting a meaningful goal, let alone actually doing it. That’s where this research-informed approach comes in.
Think about the last time you set a goal. Did you aim for something you wanted, or—be honest—did you choose to go after this ambition because you felt pressured to? If you’re guilty of the latter, you’re not alone. “Particularly for women, hopes are often influenced by other people’s expectations or what our peer group is doing,” says Sarah Lagrotteria, director of Just Bloom School, a creativity hub that teaches businesses how to use narrative theory–based techniques to gain new perspective and solve problems. In other words: Society tends to influence your goals waaay too much.
To counteract that conditioning, Lagrotteria teaches “path finding,” which is a science-backed ambition-setting technique that allows you to tap into subconscious desires rather than spotlight surface-level hopes. Path finding uses the same imagery-sourcing process as techniques such as vision boarding and manifestation, but it challenges your preconceived notions to find creative new angles. This can help you uncover a meaningful direction and inspire you to achieve a goal you previously thought impossible. Let’s walk through it.
Act With Emotion, Not Intention
As with traditional vision boarding, you’ll want to select images and texts from magazines, newspapers, etc. But instead of gravitating toward visual representations of what you want your life to be, rip out whatever elicits a strong emotional response—without analyzing your choices, says Lagrotteria. The goal within the goal-setting: to take intention out of the equation.
Run It Back
After selecting images, examine them a second time to ensure you’re working only with ones that “grab you by throat,” says Lagrotteria. If, after another glance, you feel meh or realize you chose a photo simply because it looked good next to another, toss it.
Start Writing a Different Story
There’s no right or wrong way to place these images on a board, says Lagrotteria. Let instinct be your guide, but note which images you grab first and where you place them, because, even unconsciously, you’ve begun building the new narrative of yourself.
Ignore Aesthetics
In the age of Instagram and Pinterest, where beauty reigns supreme, “we have this tendency to want to grab the pretty,” says Lagrotteria. But don’t focus on creating a visually cohesive board. Select images that speak to you individually instead of trying to curate a complementary collection. The goal is to trust your emotional response.
Embrace the Tension
This is where things tend to get uncomfortable, but trust the process. Your selection might run the gamut—colors or words that, seen all together, seem to clash. “But when this happens, there’s something being said that you might want to listen to,” says Lagrotteria. “The board demonstrates what those deeper impulses are that maybe you have been ignoring or weren’t aware of.” You might want two different things simultaneously, but the key to path finding is allowing them to coexist.
Put Your Aims Into Action
Once your board is assembled and up where you’ll see it, it’s time to focus on mindset. Narrative theory is all about harnessing the power of the stories we tell ourselves, says Lagrotteria, so ask yourself: “How do I write a new story in which these conflicting parts don’t compete, but actually feed and strengthen one another?” Your answer will reveal the next step or goal you need to take to reconcile those factions into one full, authentic self. Whew!
GOAL GETTERS
“I created a vision board, but with a twist.”
Creating a manifestation board helped me pass my Pilates certification exam. I filled it with personally meaningful mantras like “I affirm that each new creative endeavor I take on is successful.” Many people use magazine clippings, but I found that physically writing out my goals made me feel like more of an active participant. I set a timeline of one to four months and noted that on the board too.
Kabrena Williams, 32, Behavioral Analyst And Self-care Advocate At KBinbloom.com, Sarasota, Florida
“I shared my goal far and wide.”
My newest business venture centers on helping female entrepreneurs launch wellness businesses. I started shouting my dreams on social media. I posted consistently, and a colleague put me in touch with Brandi Chastain, and now she’s on my board. Putting my goals out there made all the difference; when people know what you’re authentically passionate about, they want to help make connections for you.
Renata Merino, 49, Venture Capitalist And Motivational Speaker, Evanston, Illinois
“I mapped it all out.”
My goals used to feel scattered, so I created a strategic plan that highlights specific career and personal ones. Each includes the what, why, how, and when of the goal. The plan functions as a road map, and as different opportunities arise, I check it to make sure these align with my aspirations. Doing this helped me achieve my goals of being promoted at work after my first year, earning my personal training certification, and writing a book proposal. It’s a living document, so I can tweak things if my goals shift.
Kiera Carter, 33, Editorial Director And Content Marketer, NYC
“I lived as if I were already at the finish line.”
I always wanted to be someone who exercised every day—to me, that represented a dedication to health. But I didn’t like going to the gym. Then pandemic stir-craziness convinced me to start walking outside every morning. At first it was just an escape, but I fell in love with how good it felt to start my day by moving my body. Soon I was walking three miles, and my body started changing. Instead of focusing on a specific goal, like “lose 10 pounds”or “exercise for an hour a day,” I began living as if I were one of those healthy people I admired—until I became one myself.