I know that I am wading in deep waters, but I’ll share this anyway.
Some thoughts on living life as it should be
Marcus Aurelius was one of the “good emperors” of Rome during 161 – 180AD. He was a stoic philosopher as well as ruler of the Roman Empire during a relatively peaceful time of calm and stability. His attitude toward life was quite different from powerful rulers as he followed a moral course emphasizing self disciple and moral improvement called Stoicism which originated in Greece.
Some of his rules for a happy life included:
Be strict with yourself and tolerant to others. It take practice and it’s easy to fall away from the practice. Mindfulness and mediation can help us stay focused.
Put people first by serving others. You can find that in todays management practices call servant leadership which is is a management style where leaders prioritize serving others first to help employees grow and perform at their best. It emphasizes empathy, listening, and empowerment rather than hierarchical control.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, in his book Be Useful, said this
“it’s important for you to recognize that you have a responsibility to give back. To help others. To send the ladder back down and lift the next group up. To pay it forward. To be useful. And let me tell you something: when you fully embrace that responsibility, it will change your life and improve the lives of countless others.”
Most of our worries are just imagined. Too much worry can crush our spirit. Learn to deal with what you can control and forget what you have no control over. Worry and self-doubt just causes a never ending cycle of dread. Just let it go.
Don’t worry about what others say about you or their opinions. Just be yourself and authentic. We can’t control what others think or say.
Don Miguel Ruiz in his book, The Four Agreements said that we should not take things personally. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Maybe just shrug your shoulders and move on.
Marcus Aurelius taught that we should focus on what can be controlled and that is ourselves.
To carry this further, you could look at the lives of Victor Frankl, Allen Watts and Eckhart Tolle , a psychiatrist and holocaust survivor, a philosopher and a spiritual teacher.
Be present! What is happening now is the only life. Don’t be so tied up in doing other things that we forget to really live. We tend to play over old conversations from yesterday or ones that have not yet happened. Better to focus on now as that is where we have some control. Now is where life happens. Frankl saw this reality through suffering in prison camps. Don’t live in a life that is past or does not yet exist. Don’t let your thoughts distract you. Come back to now.
Resistance to suffering causes trouble. Watts says that the resistance is like trying to hold water in your hands, the harder you squeeze, the less you hold. Tolle suggests that you can’t win a fight with reality. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if was your choice. Frankl sums it up with his counsel to other prisoners that even though suffering may be difficult, how you react to it and your attitude is what is important. Feeling that suffering is unfair takes a toll on you mental health.
Is your ego you? Watts explained that it is a social fiction that the brain comes up with to deal with others. Don’t let it take on an identity. Tolle says to separate yourself from your ego. It’s like the voice that never shuts up, that judges, compares, worries… You are not that voice. Frankl says we find meaning by directing attention outward towards work, love, or suffering that is meaningful.
Meaning is not something to be discovered but created by how you react to things. Meaning waits. Watts thought that if you hunted for enlightenment, strove for it, expected it, then it won’t be found. Stop searching and start engaging. Don’t be absent from life. Tolle followed them by teaching that presence is its own reward. Every day you spend looking for meaning is a day you could have been making it.
Watts said to just be alive… it’s simple. Frankl said we have to also give that life to something.
These rules are old but still apply today and also are ignored. Try to remember them when you fight with reality. It’s hard to do that. We all know that.